July 22nd, 2015



white elephant, pink elephant, red elephant.

i finally got the username i've always wanted on this website. it is now my most private livejournal, at the same time it is a time capsule to when i was a snotty, opinionated tween with no life experiences to back up such uppity, bitter words. nonetheless, i remain a sharp and callous debater when i get passionate. but more than ever in my life, i have strong emotions. i'm not that cold, distant teenager who didn't like little kids and judged everyone.

i feel so much i wish i didn't, but it's like i feel for everything i really didn't when i was younger. be it anger, sadness, fear, worry, ecstacy, lust, love, compassion, pride, envy, disgust... i could go on. back then i wasn't half as fleshed out... bare... as i am now. i feel so deeply for everything. mostly for myself and everything that i could have been by now. who i was before... who i am now... hardly the same, yet familiar. i simply feel like i have grown. whether it's good or bad growth i'm not so sure.

nonetheless, figured i'd make a post here too. public, because fuck it. socks was a good username too. now all the personal accounts i've ever had possess a handle i'd never want to leave. they are all time capsules. like the other volumes of my life i've stored away in diaries and sketchbooks, photographs and polaroids i'll never abandon as long as i can. why not preserve and relive my most intimate memories and secrets, and maybe leave a relic when i go.